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What is Limerence?

This is was written by: Brittany Thaw

Here is a slightly formal definition of "limerence" by Wiktionary.org
Limerence: An involuntary state of mind which seems to result from a romantic attraction for another person combined with an overwhelming, obsessive need to have one's feelings reciprocated

You can't help limerence; it just happens to you, and the first time is very unexpected because more often than not, you don't know what is happening to you, so you imagine it as love. Limerence is love's unhealthy cousin, a child of desire, and a sibling to obsession and addiction. People who have been limerent multiple times can usually tell if another bout of limerence for a different person is coming on. The symptoms, on average, remain constant.
I'll try to use a short story/example here to explain what I mean, and give you a little delve into limerence.
You develop a crush on someone. You find that when you think of them, you get those "butterflies" in your stomach and then become happy by the thought of them. Over and over in your head, you think about what makes them so attractive, so great, not really paying attention to their negative personality traits. Suddenly, instead of thinking about them just a few times per day, that number increases to a couple times every hour, every 30 minutes, and so on. Eventually, the thoughts (and fantasies) become habit because you like the feeling it gives you. You enjoy picturing the two of you together, and he/she reciprocating your feelings. Soon, you find that if you're crush/limerent object (abbreviated "LO") doesn't interact with you, you become in a despaired mood. However, when they do interact with you, you feel like you're floating in the clouds. Why don't you tell them how you feel? One, you're uncertain of their romantic feelings towards you/afraid of rejection. Two, because you're afraid of what they'll think of you after you do or what they might say.
Congratulations, you are limerent. Unarguably, there are much, much more little aspects that contribute to it, but I figured I'd describe of what I think are the core components in that example. You may be nodding your head to what I've described, maybe the experience is similar to one of your own whether presently or in the past. I think limerence is a lot more common than what everyone may think, or what I may even believe.

Read more: What is Limerence?

Limerence - what a fucking mess

I'm an average guy with a small business. How do I know what Limerence is? Why is there not more information about it? 

limerence for me really messed up my life and fucked with my head. The fact there there isn't enough help out there makes me want to champion this subject and help others. 

But what is it that I'm talking about? Limerence my firend is decribed as this: an involuntary state of mind which results from a romantic attraction to another person combined with an overwhelming, obsessive need to have one's feelings reciprocated.

But what does this mean? Basically if you have any of the following symptoms then you are probably limerent.

1. The need to be with the person that you are thinking about

2. Having to be in touch with them all the time or at set times

the-madness-hamsters

3. Thinking about them all of the the time (all the time)

4. Having Cravings for them such as their attention or seeing them.

5. constantly checking if they have text or emailed you

6. Thinking that you are in control of your "relationship"

7. Constant pining for them.

8. If they reject you, you find ways to comunicate with them.

9. You think that it's OK to blackmail them

10. You are so hurt that you will do ANYTHING to win them back? 

Read more: Limerence - what a fucking mess

Is it just one sided?

Some people have managed to use Limerence and work it to their advantage. Not necessarily because they are looking for a long term relationship but because they prefer to have short term relationships. An example is where a limerent person will go and target someone. Female stakerThey will do everything and anything to get their attention, however, when the person that they are trying hard to please then decides that they want out or if the limerent feels that something is going wrong within their relationship the limerent will drop the person that they are with and immediately start giving their affections to someone else. The limerent may continue to do this for years unknowing what they are doing. Constantly believing that they have a special power that brings out the best in people and then shy’s away from a relationship. Having experienced this type of limerent they are usually very busy people deliberately never facing any negativity in their personal life but may also be very successful in their careers.

Going Cold Turkey

 

Limerence makes you feel that the person that you are thinking of, you can't do without and when you try to step away or take a break you start to get withdrawal symptoms such as sweaty palms, a panic that you might be losing them,you have thoughts that they are seeing someone else, you become untrusting it's a horrible place to be. To make matters worse, you try to find ways to hang on to them and if cold turkeythe simple things don't work then you might try something even more distructive like threatening or blackmailing them.

Going Cold Turkey was extremely difficult for me. I was told by the person that I was seeing that she felt the same way but because there was so much distance between us everything seemed a lot more difficult.

We emailed several times a day and trying to stop felt like I'd lost the most important person in my life, everything became a panic.

Read more: Going Cold Turkey

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Friday, 31 October 2014 21:52

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